Relationships, Communication, and Why Isn’t Austin Dating?


Self-awareness, honesty, and clear communication are keys to any relationship. Without these elements, relationships are doomed to failure. The only question is how quickly or completely they will fail when any of these components are missing.

Differences in cultural background, personal experiences, and an individual’s level of tolerance all contribute to compatibility in a relationship, especially a romantic relationship. It seems that many people are giving up on relationships without engaging in honest conversations (to each other and themselves) about the dividing issues. Is this a result of the so-called “cancel culture”? After all, this isn’t a new phenomenon but it has gained momentum and become more normalized as our social and political systems have become more polarized and more people are communicating primarily through social media.

Shared experiences, or shared traumas, can be a major factor in any relationship. This commonality can either bring two (or more) people closer together, especially if they react similarly to the event. Sometimes, though, if one person deals with the trauma while another person chooses not to, that can cause the end of the relationship right then and there (or maybe a bit more slowly). Awareness of your needs and the needs of your partner are critical for maintaining mutual respect and to allow for tandem growth. If one person is unaware or does not care, then the relationship will become lopsided and that rarely ends well.

What if you are not open to building a relationship at all? Romantic or otherwise, all relationships take time and effort. The question we are addressing in this episode of The Marquez Says Show, is whether or not you can be fully invested in improving yourself and in nurturing a romantic relationship simultaneously. Is it too much or quite attainable?

Obviously, age and experience have an impact on the process of self-discovery and sharing of self with another person. When you are open to self-reflection and self-improvement, especially the longer you practice it, the more it becomes part of your nature. While we may never “arrive”, we get better at becoming our best version of ourselves.

Austin, our o-host, maintains that it’s necessary to focus on ourselves, separate and apart from romantic or new friend relationships, because each takes so much energy that they can’t be accomplished together. He may be right…for now. This view may have more to do with his current situation than anything else. A situation that involves recovering from a recent breakup and needing time to regroup and protect his energy rather than from a real need to keep self-discovery and dating separate. Although, he may have a point regardless.

He is correct, though, in thinking that self-confidence must come from within and that each person is responsible for their own development and behavior. To be sure, it is okay to take outside input and compliments into consideration, too. There are times when taking a step back and focusing on our self is not actually a step back at all, but a first step that I highly recommended to all.

As long as these periods are brief, and not used as a crutch to shut down opportunities, they can be helpful. Trying to focus on our self 100% in an ongoing manner isn’t necessarily healthy and will cause missed chances and opportunities. In the end, balance and integration is what is needed most. Taking time to interact with those around you isn’t a waste of anyone’s time as long as you are honest, to yourself and others, about your intentions.

---------- For a further conversation on this topic, please check out: The Marquez Says Show hosted by Marquez Mosher and Austin Jordan wherever you get your podcasts.